Friday, January 2, 2009

our planning :: 6 :: who's hosting?


The biggest question and probably one of the most sensitive questions is, "Who's hosting?" NOTE: I've read many etiquette books just to get insight, & most of the books say it boils down to who's putting up the most mula (this is typically the person(s) listed first on the invitation). But there are "ifs" and "buts" to this, 'cause a parent who offers his house as a venue can save $15,000 in renting a ballroom. Tradition says it's the bride's family who hosts, but that tradition has been slowly going away. I think it's because in current times, couples are financially capable to help with costs and the groom's family wants to be involved. For the more modern couple, if your ideal planning consists of both sets of parents' $ help, including some of their suggestions, yet you would like greater control of the decision making, you can consider a breakdown like so:

It seems fair, in my opinion. If this is not feasible, and requires more help from your families, then you might want to put on your patience hat and plan to be flexible with working with them or whoever is helping out with a bulk of the costs. If you get 100% help from your parents and they allow you to do whatever you want -- you're one lucky couple and be very appreciative! ;) NOTE: The more people involved in the planning, the greater risk for lengthier and more challenging decision making.

Abram and I don't come from wealthy families, so upon agreeing to have a big wedding, we decided we were going to put up all of the costs. (I will add that through the process, family members voluntarily extended their help and generosity.) I know this isn't a common hosting scenario, but this was pretty much our only option to have a big wedding. (I know other couples who have done this.) Stressful, but we knew we would have control over the planning without having to hear fuss about our decisions -- esp our non-traditional ones... we just had to work hard to save, save, save. It was worth it 'cause we didn't run into any issues with any one.

Article: "Wedding Etiquette for the Modern Bride and Groom" by Deah Paulson

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